Here are my thoughts on the word LOST.
There are so many things changing in my life right now. My son’s are almost out of highschool and moving in slow and steady increments away from me as a mother. They are gone a lot and there is less they need from me. I am adjusting to the role of support player instead of coach.
My husband and I are finding ourselves alone more. That takes adjusting to as well. We spent so many years missing each other and now, it’s almost like we need to re meet each other. It’s exciting, interesting and honestly a bit scary.
On top of that I am now on the far end of forty. I never really felt much anxiety about getting older, but something is shifting inside me at the the prospect of turning fifty. Part of it is a strange and unfamiliar vanity I have been feeling. The other part I think, is a fear that there is so much left I want to do and maybe I am feeling like I am running out of time? Not sure really.
I spent so much of the past 17 or so years feeling so certain. Now I am adrift, and yes, some days lost. I say my prayers and do the next right thing. I don’t know where I am headed but I am moving forward.